This guy...this face.
He couldn't take a picture with out being silly.
He danced funny and didn't care!
(drowning dolphin, sprinkler, white man boogie)
He LOVED to make everyone laugh, LOVED to see everyone smile, LOVED to help a friend in need.
LOVED
He had this ability to know you(sometimes better than yourself), know how to push you to be the best you, guide you to the best decisions of your life, hold your hand, teach you how to do things you never thought you could do(like taking a steering column out of a Jeep or move a 300lb armoire with him and his mom). He could fix any computer problem you had, fix your car or show you AGAIN how to build a new excel spreadsheet. All while keeping his patience. All while generously giving you his undivided attention and time. He was loyal, kind and the best friend to everyone. He was the type of guy who would give you the shirt off his back even if it was the last one he had.
He "fixed" me a few times, starting with getting me to embrace the fact that I live in Maryland. I moved here from Ohio. I was young, unable to support myself so I lived with my parents at 22. I was coming out of a rebound relationship that was sending me spiraling. I was pretty low. Some how he got through my thick skull and I got my head on straight. He guided me to a "big girl job"...that's what he called it. Shared his Mom and Sisters with me...gave me one of the worst nick names EVER...all because his darling niece could not say my name correctly. To his family and a few friends I will forever be "FEATHER".
He introduced me to people who became friends. Taught me how to shoot pool, play cards(spades will never be the same), make a mean bagel sandwich, build things, write a resume, "borrow" barn wood from a run down barn, camp without focusing on how cold it is, quote movies correctly or better yet in a timely way(my Daddy says I'm the best kisser, Family Vacation),eat really well, drink coffee, drink tequila, laugh till I felt like I would burst!
His next fix came by way of breaking up with me. That's right, he fixed me by breaking my lil heart. I didn't know it then but I am positive he knew. We stayed good friends and he kept pushing me towards this new guy working at O'Leary's. That new guy is now my husband, best friend, life partner, and baby daddy! He knew! He knew just from the few times he watched the two of us together. I will NEVER forget the St. Patrick's Day conversation we had after I took my "future Hubs" home first when they had all had too much to drive. He told me to "just trust again and give this poor guy a chance, it could work out".
For years I ragged on him to find a girl to marry and have a family...he'd make a great father! His response so many times was I will, not yet, haven't found her, I just keep getting older...they stay the same age(reference to Dazed and Confused). I was happy, I wanted the same for him, I had a growing family.
One day I called him, it had been a while...we could do that and pick up where we left off...anyway, I called he said "I found her, and I married her!" I could hear it in his voice, he was that crazy in true love happy. I didn't meet Donelia right away, I had 2 kiddos running me everywhere at the time. Donelia is just as genuine, loving, fun and loyal as Shawn. She is his perfect match.
They had a son, Damian. They had almost 2 years as a family. Damian will be 2 in June.
Shawn and I had a long stretch over the summer. He had stuff, we had stuff, I finally called and left a message in August. I needed my fix it guy when Seann's hand was broken. The breaks on my Jeep needed to be changed. I quickly explained Seann was on the injured reserve list(baseball mom? can't help it) and I needed some "manly" help if he had some time in the next couple weeks. He sent a text back telling me he was on the disabled list-indefinitely. I was so confused, I called back, Shawn couldn't be tied down unless....
He confirmed my worst fears, he was very sick, he had CANCER, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and things weren't going well. I should come out soon, bring the kids...but I couldn't...I couldn't see him sick. I kept thinking he would beat it, he beats everything...he always wins, always! But he couldn't beat CANCER. This dear, generous, loving, loyal man died December 30th.
It breaks my heart but he is always with me. In the face of my husband, in Donelia's smile, in Damian's eyes, in his Mom: Peggy's warm loving hug, in his sister's: Dawn and Kelly's laughter, in his friends stories of what an amazing person he was.
Shawn David Toland will always be with us, with me.
