Heading to Dallas

We are a bundle of nerves here this week. Meghan joined a team in Irish Dance this fall and all the work that has been put in is about to be showcased. This evening we are flying to Dallas for the Southern Region Oireachtas. (Yeah, it's a mouthful!) Meghan will dance a traditional set called St. Patrick's Day on Friday. She will then dance again on Saturday with her 4-hand team. This is playoffs folks, regional's. And we are so excited. 

This was taken at her first dress rehearsal this fall. She has worked hard to earn this school dress.

But, all the work has been not just her. She has the whole families support!

Especially, her little sister, who she is sometimes a big support to but who looks up to her!

They make me proud. They work hard to make themselves better even when they don't see results. It's their passion and I love watching them explore that passion.

So join me in wishing her luck and maybe say a prayer for the both of us.

Congratulations!!!!!

There once was a boy, who met a girl. They fell in love. 

After 10 years, they gathered all these crazy people at the courthouse.

Jon and Renee

said "I do"

Finally!

These two BUCKEYES will root on O-H-I-O together!

They even made it over the threshold without any injuries!

Congratulations! We love you so much and could not be happier for you!

Now, go make me a niece or a nephew!

Trying...

I haven't had words to talk about all the feelings I have about our little family's life recently.

We have such loss in the last year and it is hard to keep positive.

My last post was about a dear friend who we lost to cancer...and we have now lost another.

Judy

Judy lost her battle with cancer. We celebrated her life last week.  We looked at probably thousands of her pictures.  We have saved our favorites...

Her boys are doing well and were so strong last week.  I know they are going to be the great men she has taught them to be.  She worked so hard for them.  Taught them how to live life and how to be strong.  We will be there for them on their continued journey in life.  We will hold them when they need to cry and support them when they burst through life's milestones!

I miss her so much.  

These are some of my favorite pictures she took of my family and her favorite places over the years.  They make me smile and remember her.  She always could find the beauty in things, especially behind a a camera lens.  Even in her weakest moments she found the strength to pick up her camera and capture the beauty she saw.  I love her for that and for these shots of my family.

Judy would not want me to be sad so I am trying...

This GUY...Shawn David

This guy...this face.

He couldn't take a picture with out being silly.

He danced funny and didn't care!

(drowning dolphin, sprinkler, white man boogie)

He LOVED to make everyone laugh, LOVED to see everyone smile, LOVED to help a friend in need.

LOVED

He had this ability to know you(sometimes better than yourself), know how to push you to be the best you, guide you to the best decisions of your life, hold your hand, teach you how to do things you never thought you could do(like taking a steering column out of a Jeep or move a 300lb armoire with him and his mom).  He could fix any computer problem you had, fix your car or show you AGAIN how to build a new excel spreadsheet. All while keeping his patience.  All while generously giving you his undivided attention and time.  He was loyal, kind and the best friend to everyone.  He was the type of guy who would give you the shirt off his back even if it was the last one he had.  

He "fixed" me a few times, starting with getting me to embrace the fact that I live in Maryland. I moved here from Ohio. I was young, unable to support myself  so I lived with my parents at 22. I was coming out of a rebound relationship that was sending me spiraling. I was pretty low. Some how he got through my thick skull and I got my head on straight.  He guided me to a "big girl job"...that's what he called it. Shared his Mom and Sisters with me...gave me one of the worst nick names EVER...all because his darling niece could not say my name correctly.  To his family and a few friends I will forever be "FEATHER".

He introduced me to people who became friends. Taught me how to shoot pool, play cards(spades will never be the same), make a mean bagel sandwich, build things, write a resume, "borrow" barn wood from a run down barn, camp without focusing on how cold it is, quote movies correctly or better yet in a timely way(my Daddy says I'm the best kisser, Family Vacation),eat really well, drink coffee, drink tequila, laugh till I felt like I would burst!

His next fix came by way of breaking up with me. That's right, he fixed me by breaking my lil heart. I didn't know it then but I am positive he knew. We stayed good friends and he kept pushing me towards this new guy working at O'Leary's. That new guy is now my husband, best friend, life partner, and baby daddy! He knew! He knew just from the few times he watched the two of us together. I will NEVER forget the St. Patrick's Day conversation we had after I took my "future Hubs" home first when they had all had too much to drive. He told me to "just trust again and give this poor guy a chance, it could work out". 

For years I ragged on him to find a girl to marry and have a family...he'd make a great father!  His response so many times was I will, not yet, haven't found her, I just keep getting older...they stay the same age(reference to Dazed and Confused). I was happy, I wanted the same for him, I had a growing family.

One day I called him, it had been a while...we could do that and pick up where we left off...anyway, I called he said "I found her, and I married her!"  I could hear it in his voice, he was that crazy in true love happy.  I didn't meet Donelia right away, I had 2 kiddos running me everywhere at the time.  Donelia is just as genuine, loving, fun and loyal as Shawn. She is his perfect match. 

They had a son, Damian.  They had almost 2 years as a family. Damian will be 2 in June.

Shawn and I had a long stretch over the summer.  He had stuff, we had stuff, I finally called and left a message in August.  I needed my fix it guy when Seann's hand was broken.  The breaks on my Jeep needed to be changed.  I quickly explained Seann was on the injured reserve list(baseball mom? can't help it) and I needed some "manly" help if he had some time in the next couple weeks.  He sent a text back telling me he was on the disabled list-indefinitely.  I was so confused, I called back, Shawn couldn't be tied down unless....

He confirmed my worst fears, he was very sick, he had CANCER, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and things weren't going well.  I should come out soon, bring the kids...but I couldn't...I couldn't see him sick. I kept thinking he would beat it, he beats everything...he always wins, always! But he couldn't beat CANCER.  This dear, generous, loving, loyal man died December 30th.

It breaks my heart but he is always with me. In the face of my husband, in Donelia's smile, in Damian's eyes, in his Mom: Peggy's warm loving hug, in his sister's: Dawn and Kelly's laughter, in his friends stories of what an amazing person he was. 

Shawn David Toland will always be with us, with me.

Wordless Wednesday...2nd in the state! Yes please, Nice job girls!!!!!!

Summer time and closure

I figure I need to write to have a bit of closure from our summer.  

I know I have said it before, probably a thousand times how busy we are as a family.  Between baseball, Irish dance, Seann coaching, play dates, birthday parties and day to day stuff I often don't know if I am coming or going.  Throw in the fact that we started the summer with two puppies and well...crazy town.

Unfortunately, we closed out the summer with only one pup, Ninja.

We had a tragic event that ripped Chance from our lives and taught the kids a lesson about dogs.  Some dogs are good, some dogs are bad...we met a "bad dog".  But I really don't think it is fair to call her bad...she is a dog.  Her name is "Tiny" and she is a pit bull who happened to escape her yard.  She was out exploring the neighborhood when we got home from the store.  Chance and Ninja came out to greet us with Seann.  Unfortunately, Colin and Meghan were out of the car and watched her attack Chance.  I am eternally grateful Caitlyn was still in her car seat, otherwise she may have been holding Chance when it happened.  The attack lasted for what felt like forever.  Seann and I went on the defense. I sat on the dog and Seann started hitting and kicking the dog.  Colin and Meghan were screaming the whole time.  Our neighbor Jeff heard the kids and came running over.  With his helping Seann, I was able to take Colin and Meghan into the house and call the police.  It was twenty minutes before I could remove Chance from the dogs mouth and another twenty before the police arrived.  The whole time Seann and Jeff held the dog down, waiting. The dog was taken away and we wrote our statements.  We will be served, we will have to go to court, we will have to work through the grief with our children, we will have to find comfort and safety at our home again, we will have to bury Chance, we will have to tell everyone, we will have to live with this the rest of our lives. To top off the whole tragedy Seann walked away with a broken hand.  His first ever broken bone at 35!  He had to have a pin inserted/removed, he had a fiberglass splint the rest of the summer, but he is whole again and healed.

We have amazing family and friends.  We buried Chance at a dear friends farm.  The kids can go and talk to him anytime.  The kids have really dealt with their feelings about the whole incident.  They miss Chance and talk openly when they feel moved to.  Sometimes it catches me off guard and I tear up but our feelings are real and my kids know how I feel.  I am OK with that.

The court labeled Tiny a "dangerous animal".  That means only her owner can walk her, with a muzzle and the title will go with her even if she moves.  She still lives across the street.  The kids are cautious but no longer as scared.  Unfortunately the days of the kids playing in the front yard without an adult are pretty much over. Which is hard when Colin loves to throw the ball against the fence to practice pitching and Caitlyn has learned to open all the doors.

This was a really hard summer and we are still healing as a family but each day is getting easier.  So we are looking to all the change we have had and hoping it is all for the better.  Pray we made the right choices, please.

Long time...no update!

It has been a long time...all summer since I have written anything.  There have been so many changes I don't know where to begin....how about little doses, one topic at a time.

CHANGE

Let's start there...

I have once again changed my job.  Coming full circle this year, it only took 12 years!  I have found a home in a Montessori school again.  I am using all the tools I have acquired since working at Franklin 12 years ago in my new school home Butler Montessori.  I am the Administrative Coordinator and the School Health Tech.  If you ask the students what I do...9 times out of 10 they will tell you I run the school.  

This is where I work...

And the kids get to go to school here too!

The school uses 23 acres of the 65 available on our campus.

Here are some more amazing places on campus at our new school.

A creek to play in,

A pond to fish in, 

An equestrian program and amazing horses to see everyday,

(there are chickens, gardens and coming soon bee hives)

Outdoor learning space, all the way through 8th grade,

A terrific summer camp and pool,

A ropes and challenge course built for some extreme learning and team building!

I am counting my blessings lately and this is near the top of my list.  To be able to be at peace in my adult career is finally happening.  To be able to give my children a new way to learn that they are thriving, and happy is an amazing feeling as a Mom.  And to continue to grow and learn as a Mom daily is the biggest blessing to this Mama!